I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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