dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
