i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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