I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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