oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
