Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
how drunk are you?
Several
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
