do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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