You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
