I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
