It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize