fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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