you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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