Umm I'm too high to move.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
