You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
