For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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