I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
