You made me cry and you don't even care
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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