ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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