ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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