In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
