it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
