I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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