soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
