Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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