I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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