Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
