You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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