defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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