oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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