We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
