dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
