I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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