you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
