I got her a Nickelback box set.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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