Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize