You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I need to stop coming to work sober
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
