i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
