there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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