It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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