Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
