Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
