so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
