we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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