You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
