Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
