I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
