I just threw up on my dentist
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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