fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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