So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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