in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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