is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
