in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
