There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
