Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize