i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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