we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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