somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
