dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
