We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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