I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm at about main and main street
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
