We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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