a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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