I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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