I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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