I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
