When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
