I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
